Struggling

it has been barely 5 days since i lost my baby and i am struggling. its so hard to get up in the morning when all i want to do is stay under the covers all day. i cry on and off all day and try with every fiber of my being to make it through each day.

i've made this blog public again. i need to get my feelings out, and if by doing that i can help someone else, then we can heal together. i have so much to say, and i want to get it all out but now, all i can do is cry. i miss my baby.

i am so thankful for my sweet jordyn. she is the reason i get out of bed every day and her smile makes me forget the sadness, if only for a minute. as the title of my blog states, i am truly a grateful mommy. she needs me and i will muster every ounce of strength i have to be the best mommy i can be for her. but i am so, so sad.

Its Over

I had some spotting yesterday and again this morning. I went to see my dr this morning and he did a sonogram - we didn't see a heartbeat. I am having a D&C on Thursday which is when I would have been 11 weeks. I cannot believe this is happening and I feel like I want to crawl in a hole and hide. I still can't get the image of that still baby in my belly out of my head. It looked like a baby. A dead baby. In my belly. Dear God, please give me the strength to get through this.