Wordless Wednesday - swimming

Someone just loves her swim lessons!

Milestones

Jordyn has changed so much these last few weeks. We came back from NY on 7/29 and I feel like she has done so much since then. She started swim lessons 2 weeks ago and is definitely a little fish. Maybe she'll be in the Olympics one day breaking Michael Phelps' new record! Its so great to see her in the water, learning new things and socializing with other kids. I also took her to Gymboree a few times and will continue to take her weekly. On Saturday she had her first forward crawling motion while we were there. I was so amazed! I enticed her with a toy of course, but she was so determined to move forward and get it, and she did it! I was so proud of her! Then yesterday, she said her first word: mama. Of course, I don't think she's saying it for me specifically yet, but I love to hear her say it. "Mamama, mama" - she says it all day. Of course Daddy is jealous but she'll be saying dada soon enough.

Last night for dinner I gave her little pieces of chicken for the first time. She did great - chewed each little piece and didn't even gag! That's been an issue - sometimes she gags so bad her whole dinner comes up. Thankfully she kept it down and seemed to enjoy it. This past week she's also had diced up pears, cheerios, yogurt and Gerber puffs. Her spit up problem is much better, but she'll still bring up something with a burp every now and then, usually right after a bottle. Occasionally when she's playing on the floor something chunky will come up, and now that she has some yogurt in her system it stinks. Ugh, love regurgitated whole milk products. :-)

The Work Blues

When I was in high school, all I wanted for my future was to have a career. I was so anti-stay-at-home-mom and anti-wife taking care of husband that all I could think about was college and my future. I think its because my mom was a SAHM, although she did work in my father's pharmacy after all us kids were in school. It also didn't help that my dad (may he now rest in peace) was the type of husband who came home from work and expected dinner ready, and everyone to wait on him. "I need fluids" is one of my favorites. Um, hello, get up and get yourself a drink. I swore I would I would take care of myself and never have to have a man provide for me. I did that. I went to college. Moved to Austin to be with my honey. Got a job right away. Then when honey and I broke up, an opportunity came my way that I couldnt pass up. I moved across the country to San Francisco knowing almost no one and immersed myself in work. I then was able to move to Boston with the same company to start a branch of the company there. Then honey and I got back together and I moved back to Austin, got married, got a job at big computer company, hated it and then found another job in technology and have been here for 8 years. I worked hard, got promoted, had fun and then got in a rut. My priorities changed. I started to care less about work and more about having a family.

Hello, infertility. It consumed me for 7 years. Work was still there but all I could think about was this sweet little baby I may or may not have. When I was diagnosed with a kidney disease and found out I needed to have a transplant, my dreams of baby were put on hold. So I focused on work again. Moved to a new group in the company and had the best 3 years of work ever. Got to travel, do new and fun things, challenge myself, and work with one of the legends in the sports world. Then started fertility treatments and it consumed me again. Things at work were changing. Fun job was being eliminated, and boss did everything she could to get herself promoted, and those 3 years of the best and hardest work I ever did went unrewarded. F-in corporate America.

Then it happened. IUI finally worked and I was pregnant!! I had the most wonderful pregnancy and it resulted in the most amazing, sweet and beautiful little girl - who is 8 months old today, BTW. Where does the time go? But I digress. I had an extended maternity leave combined with a sabbatical from work. After 5 months, I went back to work. Luckily I was able to swing it so I am only in the office 3 days, and work from home 2 days. On the days when I work in the office, hubby watches her one day and we have a nanny for the other 2. Its working out well, and I'll post about the nanny some other time. She's good but I have my issues with her. Many people say I am so lucky because of the work situation I have. I know I am. But here's the thing - I could care less about work. I loathe it. There are aspects of my job that I really like, but overall, I am less than thrilled with the company right now, have no interest in learning about new products, and generally just don't want to be here. I need the job because I need the money. I like my house, my car, and occasionally getting a pedi or buying something nice. But is it all worth it? I feel like I am missing things with the baby because I am not with her all the time. Its total mommy guilt. Some days I am OK and others I just want to quit. I just don't know how to balance it all, but the main problem is I just don't want to.

Can't I just win the lottery?

Slow start

Well, i had all good intentions of jumping into the blog world and sharing my story. Then before I knew it, this whole month has flown by and I had not written anything new!! Where has the time gone? I did just get back from almost a 2 week vacation in NY visiting family. We had a great time and took Jordyn in the ocean for the first time - she loved it! She also ate lots of sand - what child hasn't at one time or another?

Here's hoping August doesn't get away from me before I post again!

I have arrived

Reading blogs is what helped me get through it all. The infertility. The unexplained reasons why it wasnt working. The disappointment each month when it didn't work. The pain. The heartache. I felt for each of you when you experienced the same. Then the shock of a positive HPT. The disbelief when I saw the heartbeat for the first time - there really was a baby in there! The joy. The hope. The fear - please let this baby be OK after everything we have been through. The flutters. The kicks. The planning. The purchasing. The nervousness. The excitement. And finally, FINALLY... a beautiful baby.

I remember the first time I saw Jordyn for the first time. She was lifted over the "tent" placed over me during the c-section. A reddish-purple squirmy thing with a tuft of brown hair. I cried, thinking she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Now I knew what all those other mothers felt. And I was so glad to finally be feeling the same thing.

My story isn't unlike yours. There has been a lot of sadness, and finally, so much happiness. Since reading blogs helped me get through it, I hope sharing my story will help someone else. We all need as much love and support as we can find, and sometimes its easier when its virtual.

I'll share more about myself, my wonderful husband, our beautiful daughter, my family and my life as this blog progresses.